http://gracielovesyouuu.tumblr.com/

I’m sitting in front of my laptop, with an extra monitor next to it, (for extra badassedry)...

Mon, 20 May 2013 23:20:00 -0400

I’m sitting in front of my laptop, with an extra monitor next to it, (for extra badassedry) and a large glass of sweet tea. Isn’t this the latest way to develop cancer? It seems there is a new way every single day. And every single day I develop a new fear. I was taught how to turn on my listening ears and be polite. I don’t think I ever learned how to turn them off. I hear everything everyone says and it consumes my brain until I am instilled with this irrational fear of getting aids from the toilet seat in walmart. My cat gets out (not trained in the outside world whatsoever) and I’m almost too afraid to leave the house in fear that I might drive down the road and see him all over the road. When I see something in the road, I will purposefully not look at it, and try and convince myself it’s a rolled up dirty piece of cardboard. Because my heart truly aches for whatever might really be laying in the road. I have never really lived through something very traumatic. I’ve been through some nasty heartbreaking stuff, but nothing to make me as timid as I am. I ask my boyfriend to text me as soon as he gets where he’s going… always. He’s good enough to do it for me. I believe that’s rare. I have never experienced someone not coming home. So I don’t know why I worry so much that he won’t. He is a very good guy to me. He respects (most) of my irrational fears and does what he can to remedy them. But every day I still get up and worry that we aren’t meant for each other because we have a hard time following the rules that we set for ourselves. No one ever told us how hard this would be. We have love coming from every place in our lives and yet we still have a problem believing what people might think of us if they knew the struggles we face as a couple. I spend most of my days comparing my “behind the scenes” to other peoples “highlight reel” And I know that’s no way to live, but why do I have such a hard time NOT doing that? I’ve never met anyone like Casey Michael McGuire. He is the most important person in my life, and for whatever reason I always find myself taking him for granted and almost expecting to be let down. Even though he’s so very rarely let me down. And even then it was understandable where he and I had both gone wrong in the situation. Am I the only one who feels these things? Am I completely screwed up? There are all kinds of tests in magazines and online “how to tell what he’s thinking by the way he sleeps at night” “Do you point the right way? Or are you going to hell because you start counting on your fingers with your thumb?” Cause if you’re going to hell by the way you count I might as well stop playing by anyone’s rule book. If Casey and I are destined for failure by the way we say goodbye at the door we might as well give up right now, right? The Lord tells us that if we live in His ways, we live in His will. And that’s right where I want to be. I am constantly scared that my God is disappointed in me though. I just want to say “But Jeeeesus. YOU know her fake tan was awful! You wouldn’t have whispered about that?!” But He wouldn’t. Love and be loved. I don’t have a problem being loved… most of the time. But I do have a problem loving sometimes. This is not be a preachy blog, but this is my vent blog, and this is what’s on my mind. You’re welcome to ditch at any time, I won’t know about it. I know that my God given gift is people skills. I can engage and connect with just about anyone. I grew up being the entertainer for my family. I am a goofy motherfucker. I love my gift. But I also don’t. I don’t like people. And I don’t like being nice when they are mean. My boyfriends God given gift is generosity. Sometimes we have a hard time seeing eye to eye on what the other is doing. But we do our best to.. well, do our best, really. I want to bang my head into the wall because of this awful cycle I go through every day. I should probably start showing signs of crazy by pulling my eyebrows out or something. The way loved ones have left me in the dust throughout my life is probably part of the reason I have a hard time trusting the love people say they have for me. I’ve had my heart shattered probably 5 or 6 times in my life. Maybe I’m just waiting for that next person who swears he’s always there for me to decide I’m not worth it… in the back of my mind I feel very insufficient. Damn you, who told me I wasn’t. And shame on me, for letting myself believe all those door slams, personal jabs, and disappearances being my fault. 2 Corinthians 10:12 says “When they measure themselves with themselves and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding and behave unwisely” My God says that I am good enough… and I need to learn to live that way. Caring less about what people think of my REAL tan, MY big mistakes, unmakeuped face, fear of going to the bathroom in public, and fear of being unloved; and care more about receiving as much of the love that is intended for me, and will keep me walking in the light always. I want to always be a mirror that directly shines the light of God on everyone I meet. And after working through all these thoughts, I feel better. And if you read this, awesome. Gohld shtar. I hope it helped you in some way. God loves you no matter what. I am living proof of that.

instagram: Chernobyl, 27 Years Later For more photos from...

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 09:49:22 -0400

instagram.com/p/YSi4PwSNcd/#beccasin78

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instagram:

Chernobyl, 27 Years Later

For more photos from Chernobyl, check out the Chernobyl and Pripyat (Припять) location pages, or search for photos tagged with #Pripyat, #Припять, #Chernobyl and #Чернобыль.

On this day 27 years ago, an explosion at the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant near the city of Pripyat, Ukraine, killed dozens of people and released a plume of radioactive fallout that would eventually require the relocation of more than 350,000 people.

The event ranks as the worst nuclear disaster in history. The area immediately surrounding Chernobyl is still too radioactive for habitation and will remain so for another 20,000 years. Until recently, an exclusion zone of 19 miles (30 km) extended in all directions from the power plant, which is now entombed in concrete. In 2011, however, Ukraine opened up this area to tourists, giving the world a peek into a town abandoned and untouched for nearly three decades.

militaryfit-bombshell: HAAAAAH.

Sat, 23 Feb 2013 14:09:48 -0500

militaryfit-bombshell:

HAAAAAH.

laugh-addict: via laugh-addict

Wed, 26 Dec 2012 21:10:30 -0500

laugh-addict:

via laugh-addict

Santa’s helper!

Thu, 20 Dec 2012 09:51:02 -0500

Santa’s helper!

Apparently this is NOT what your coolant should look like…...

Wed, 19 Dec 2012 20:22:56 -0500

Apparently this is NOT what your coolant should look like… I’m thankful for a mechanic boyfriend.

Car talk

Tue, 11 Dec 2012 17:54:27 -0500

People always say “if these walls could talk” when reffering to what they are like behind closed doors… What if your steering wheel could talk? People alone in their car seem to think they can’t be seen. I know I would be extermely curious as to what my steering wheel would have to say about it’s previous owners, but then put to shame when it spoke of me. This is definetely one of those “look at yourself from someone else’ shoes” blogs. Think about what yours would say about you as I tell you (because of course you’d like to know) what mine would say about me. Now, I don’t know what kind of personality my steering wheel would have, but my car as a whole I believe would be a wise old lady. She’s knowlegable in her old age, that’s for sure. And she holds it together very well despite all her minor inconviences like oil leaks and weak ball joints. I think she would tell you I’m a very sensitive person. And I’ve probably cried more in my car than all her other owners. But it’s not just a “wah pity me” cry, it’s a “had a hard day, pour me a cold one and oh by the way, get off my feet gimme somethin’ to eat, fix me up my favorite treat” cry. (who gets that quote?) She would probably also tell you she is very sick of any version of the song “Crazy Love”, and Brantely Gilberts “You don’t know her like I do.” Those are the ones I play on repeat… no matter what kind of day it’s been. Those are crank-as-loud-as-it-goes songs. She would tell you I can get entirely too violent when you drive 10 miles under the speed limit, or make a complete stop to make a right turn. She would probably lock the doors on me if she could. Also that I truely do speak -out loud- to myself… constantly. About parking jobs, stupid drivers, the way I park, and about how much I love chick fil a. She would probably tell you to take notice that it seems impossible for me to drive without a drink-no matter what the distance. For that, I blame my mother. She always has a big cup of tea in hand as she leaves the house. It only feels natural to have a full bladder every time I arrive somewhere. My car definetely knows when I’ve been somewhere that I had a bad time, and it knows when I’m headed somewhere I don’t want to go. Basically, when I’m alone, I don’t hold back. Who does? My car knows what I’m thinking… always. It’s probably a good thing she can’t talk.

Cousin time <3

Sat, 08 Dec 2012 22:31:20 -0500

Cousin time <3

Conquered look out mountain!

Sat, 08 Dec 2012 22:20:18 -0500

Conquered look out mountain!

#flashbackfriday when I could eat the Sun no probz.

Fri, 07 Dec 2012 18:51:40 -0500

#flashbackfriday when I could eat the Sun no probz.

#flashbackfriday I miss when my hair could be any color I chose.

Fri, 07 Dec 2012 17:46:38 -0500

#flashbackfriday I miss when my hair could be any color I chose.

I really am my mothers child… I <3 all of my shoes...

Mon, 03 Dec 2012 12:17:54 -0500

I really am my mothers child… I <3 all of my shoes equally.

We have broccoli!!

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 17:16:46 -0500

We have broccoli!!

@k_barnard me too!!! #batmangetsmethroughsaturdays7am

Sat, 01 Dec 2012 10:21:21 -0500

@k_barnard me too!!! #batmangetsmethroughsaturdays7am

Where’s the sick boy? Oh, there he is!!

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 09:39:33 -0500

Where’s the sick boy? Oh, there he is!!

I love the holiday cheer at work!

Thu, 29 Nov 2012 19:22:38 -0500

I love the holiday cheer at work!

Merry Christmas from the Hannibals! (Minus Carlaysle =( )...

Mon, 26 Nov 2012 17:39:42 -0500

Merry Christmas from the Hannibals! (Minus Carlaysle =( ) hickory farms, and decorating our tree! Our house is full of holiday cheer!

My parents tortured me as a child…

Mon, 26 Nov 2012 16:57:46 -0500

My parents tortured me as a child…

Customer service jobs.

Sat, 24 Nov 2012 12:02:37 -0500

I’ve worked all customer service jobs. I’ve only had 3 “real” jobs, (Party Host, Movie theater floor staff, and a Cashier clerk) all of which have revolved around being presentable, and smiling when you don’t want to. My mom says that having a “chick-fil-a mentality” changes everything. “My pleasure!” To everything asked of you begins to come true. And yeah, it’s helped me keep my cool, but don’t get in my way when I’ve clocked out and I’m on my way to the door. I’ve learned some valuable “do’s and don’ts” to the customer service world. Don’t: Tell customers we typically don’t pay attention to expiration dates. Do: Take the expired coupons anyways. Otherwise you’ll get an ear full about this customers incredible journey to get here and how they would’ve payed $10.50 to go see said movie at a closer location. Don’t: Call the greedy fat kid in your party a brat (even if they are being one and throwing their food and trash all over the room) they WILL tell their parents ,and you will recieve a tip, but not a cash tip, a you-should-fire-this-girl tip. Do:Give that kid a smaller piece of cake. (He doesn’t need it anyways.) Don’t: say “uh-oh” when handling someone’s credit card. Do:Brush it off and act like you know what you’re doing. In customer service it’s sort of drilled into your brain to absolutely never speak your mind. That’s why on your break you walk out the back door and cuss a muthafucka out. (A good friend should handle it, and dish it back to you.) Sometimes it becomes entirely too hard for me to hold my tongue. I’m sure people notice when I take a big deep breath in, and slowly let it out. Sometimes I’m praying to the good Lord in heaven they get the message! But for you customers out there who have maybe never worked in customer service, or have forgotten, here are some do’s and don’ts for you too. Don’t: Toss your credit card at me because your unhappy with your bill. You knowingly approved these charges yourself, and I’ll gladly take off those 4 boxes of candy for you if you can’t handle your total. Don’t: put your hands on my side of the desk. Do: Be more observant! There is a pen attached to the desk on your side so you don’t have to use mine! Don’t: Tell me how to do my job. I know what I’m doing, and just because it’s not getting done as quickly as you’d like, doesn’t mean I don’t. Don’t be so quick to judge me. Do: Try and be patient with us. We have to deal with people like you all day in a rush, rude, and unhappy about spending money. Your day at work may have been hell, but when you get out and come see us, remember we are still at work, and we may be having a hellish day too. But I can say for myself, I do my best no matter what kind of day I’m having, to smile, smile at your children coloring on the walls and my documents, and mean it when I say “Have a great day” The least you could do is humor me.
Now, Let’s be realistic. There are times you are allowed to be a bitch because your service was THAT bad. Like when all the girls up at the Dairy Queen seem to have the same issue and are yelling about it to each other as you try to get your order in, and they are paying no attention whatsoever to you.. “SHE CAN’T DO THAT! 5.43.. No! you’re not going to stand for that!” Or when your waitress seems to have forgotten you drink beverages with your meal, You’re allowed to complain to the manager/tip less/just say something to their face about how rude they are, and how they need to learn to do their job right. However, There are some times we’re allowed to roll our eyes too, Like when we’re trying to check you out, and get you on your way, but you hold up the line by being on the phone knee deep in converstation and ignoring my service to you. There is no reason you can’t either hang up the phone, or step aside to finish your converstation. We all wanna be happy, let’s try considering other people for once y’all…

And our nice picture…ruined by yours truely.

Fri, 23 Nov 2012 10:17:39 -0500

And our nice picture…ruined by yours truely.